This too is Yonkers–By Eric W. Schoen
What a week this has been. Good things and crazy things too numerous to mention. Let’s start out with something good!
Big snow Sunday night. I wait until midday Monday to clean off my car. This way, the temperature is warmer, the sun has been shining and I should be able to brush the snow off fairly easily.
I pack myself up before I leave my apartment. My cheap warm gloves, lined with fake fur, my snow brush, my back brace attached to my body so as not to put too much stress on my back, and Kosher salt which I find works great to melt snow and Ice. I get to my car and there is not a stitch of snow on the car. No ice. It’s completely dry.
I’m wondering: How did this happen? Did the snow magically not fall on my car? Then my nice neighbors pull up and tell me they saw me cleaning off my car in the last storm very carefully (with two new knees and a bad back, one must be careful on snow and ice) and that they had cleaned off my car for me. Yes, there still are good people in the world!
My friend gets a return receipt notice for a parcel that needs her signature from a carrier from the 10704 post office. These notices are supposed to list who the package is from. The notice says the package is from “915 Yonkers Ave.” and can be picked up the next day from the post office.
My friend does business with a company at about that address on Yonkers Avenue and calls the company wondering why they are sending her a certified return receipt envelope. They say the address is not theirs. So I Google the address.
Lo and behold, 915 Yonkers Ave. is the 10704 Yonkers Avenue post office address. She goes to the post office and questions why the notice doesn’t list the name or address of where the package is coming from or the post office where it should be picked up at, but simply lists a package from 915 Yonkers Ave.
The desk clerk tells my friend the routes have been changed and the mail persons don’t have the time anymore to write who the package is from and the location, including address of the post office where the item can be picked up. If the United States Post Office continues operating like this, it is going to be out of business. (By the way, I haven’t gotten a Bed, Bath and Beyond coupon delivered to my door in months despite the fact that I go there at least twice a week!)
There are all these new services like Uber Eats, Postmates and Doordash that deliver food hot and fresh to your door. I get an email from Doordash with a $10 credit on my first order. So I figure, let me give it a shot. Their list has a restaurant on it I like, and there’s nothing better than their quiche on a cold wintry night.
I place my order and the app says it should arrive in less than one hour. You can watch on your iPhone all the steps from placing the order, when the restaurant is preparing your dish, when Doordash is heading out to pick up your order, and a timeframe for food arrival.
After placing my order, it says the restaurant is cooking it. That screen is on for a half-hour. Then it says the Doordash person is being sent to pick the order up. It gives an approximate time as to when my quiche and salad will arrive. After 50 minutes, the app says the Doordash employee is still at the restaurant waiting to pick up my order. Not a good sign.
Then, close to an hour after I placed my initial order, I get a call from a call center not in America to tell me that the restaurant does not participate in Doordash. Emails from Doordash tell me that my order has been canceled. An hour later, nothing to eat. So I visit my trusty freezer and pop a frozen quiche into the microwave. Come to think about it, why did I not do that in the first place?
I felt like a McDonald’s fresh beef quarter-pound cheeseburger. An occasional treat, and the fresh beef is healthier than the regular, frozen beef they use plopped on the greasy grill. To cut carbs I eat the cheeseburger on half a bun.
I had a buy one, get one free coupon. I order the cheeseburgers and a sugar-free iced tea and the manager is busy typing all kinds of buttons and my order comes to $1.09, the price of the iced tea. The buy one, get one free burgers are on the bill at $0 and I should have been charged for one.
My friend takes Lyft to get to work. Lyft is like Uber – a ride hailing app cheaper than a cab. You tell the driver you want to be picked up at 100 Anywhere St. The driver is waiting at 98 Anywhere St. You request a car to go from Yonkers to New York City. The car takes 10 minutes to get to you in Yonkers and then says he doesn’t go into NYC and only takes Westchester calls. How much gas did the driver waste to pick up a call he could not take? And the waste of my friend’s time waiting for the initial car, and then a second one!
Did you see “Leaving Neverland” on HBO? One of the most disturbing shows I have ever viewed. At the height of his stardom, Michael Jackson began long-running relationships with two boys, age 7 and 10, and their families. Now in their 30s, they tell the story of how they were sexually abused by Jackson.
We meet the boys, and mother, sister and even grandmother of one of the boys. The mother knew about everything that was going on and allowed it to occur. Andy Warhol said everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame. These kids got a lot more than that. How did the boy’s mother allow this to occur? She is the one who belongs in jail!
At press time I’m watching singer R. Kelley going crazy on camera being interviewed by Oprah’s BFF Gayle King about all the accusations against him. Sadly, all I can think is that R. Kelly is jealous of all the press Michael Jackson received from “Leaving Neverland!” Pathetic!
So we hear that Planet Fitness gyms are opening up in or near Kohls department stores. Is that really to take advantage of extra space in Kohls stores, or do they want you to go to Kohls, see that nothing you like fits you, and then go next door to lose weight at Planet Fitness?
My, “What a Wonderful World.” Cue Louis “Satchmo” Armstrong:
“I see trees of green, red roses too.
“I see them bloom for me and you.
“And I think to myself, what a wonderful world!”
Reach Eric Schoen at thistooisyonkers@aol.com. Follow him on Twitter @ericyonkers. Listen to Eric Schoen and Dan Murphy on the Westchester Rising Radio Show on Thursdays from 10 to 11 a.m. on WVOX 1460 AM or go to WVOX.com and click the arrow to listen to the live stream.
