No one wears a sign around their neck that says, “Hey, I’m a master manipulator,” or gets a tattoo on their forehead that reads, “I’m a predator, stay away from me.” So, there’s no way of telling who’s looking for their next victim to prey on.
While some people might look sketchy on the outside, history has taught us that the worst psychopaths and manipulators are often “sweet”. From infamous sex traffickers to serial killers, predators are the definition of “wolves in sheep’s clothing”.
If adults, with all their knowledge and experience, can’t spot a predator easily, how much more kids? Fortunately, there are proven ways to identify these individuals thanks to interviews and psychoanalytic tests over the years. Every parent, guardian, or educator must help children identify these vile individuals. It can help prevent future trauma and even save lives.
Here’s how you can help kids stay safe from an emotional manipulator or predator with tips on how to identify them.
1. Teach Them How to Spot a Manipulator or Predator
While these two terms may be used interchangeably, they are not the same. Not all emotional manipulators are predators. Also, there are more emotional manipulators than predators.
Emotional manipulators exist everywhere, including places where you least expect them, such as schools, religious settings, and among family members. An emotional manipulator aims to coerce or control your perception to make decisions that serve their purpose. While they don’t always intend to violate their targets, they ensure their agenda is achieved at your expense.
Meanwhile, a predator aims to dominate or harm their victims sexually, physically, and emotionally for their pleasure. They usually have malicious intent from the outset.
Spotting major red flags is a crucial step toward safety against predators and manipulators. Here are the common traits of manipulators that kids should recognize.
- Grooming. They systematically foster emotional connections with children through favors, gifts, and kindness to gain their trust, control, and isolate them to harm.
- Boundary Violation. No predator or manipulator respects boundaries. They flirt, make inappropriate jokes and gestures, and touch without consent.
- Isolation. They attempt to keep children away from their support system by criticizing parents and friends, demanding exclusivity, and often forcing “alone time”.
- Encourage secrecy. Secrecy is how predators and manipulators keep their victims quiet for long. They convince children to keep their “friendship” a secret from parents and friends while they are evasive about their personal history.
- Controlling behavior. Emotional manipulators and predators are typically controlling. They use threats, gaslighting, and abuse to make kids do their bidding.
2. Create a Safe Space for Open Communication and Vulnerability
Victims of assault or abuse who bear the trauma the longest are usually those who are too afraid or ashamed to share with loved ones. As a result, their oppressor gets a free pass to continue hurting them. Creating a safe space for open communication with your child is a proactive measure for surviving predators.
You must make them feel they won’t be blamed, ridiculed, or judged whenever they confide in you. Create a culture of dialogue where each person takes turns narrating their day and sharing any interesting events.
Start by being vulnerable with them. Share experiences of when you were their age to enable them to relate to you and see a different side of you. With time, sharing their high and low moments will become the norm. It is only when they trust you that you can instill safety practices against emotional manipulators.
3. Help Them Understand Boundaries
For generations, parents have taught kids about respect and tolerance for the elderly, familiar people, and strangers. Being polite, not questioning authority, and accepting kind gestures have been instilled in most people from a tender age.
Ideally, these virtues make the world a better place. However, emotional manipulators and predators have found this as a loophole for preying on young people. To keep young ones safe, they must learn to set boundaries.
Kids must learn to say no to unsolicited kind gestures from strangers. Make them understand that no one has the right to their personal information, including their name, grade, and number.
While teaching boundary setting, be careful not to let kids lose faith in humanity too early. For example, direct them to speak to police officers or store clerks with their name tags on if they’re lost. Also, ensure they have their parents’ phone number in their pocket if too young to have a smartphone. That way, security personnel know who to call in an emergency.
4. Handle Shocking Discoveries Calmly
Knowing your child can share their most vulnerable moments with you can be rewarding. However, you must be ready to handle some shocking news. From physical confrontations to online messaging, manipulators use every means to keep a close eye on their targets.
When your child reveals certain interactions, how you react might encourage or discourage them from opening up further. So, remain calm and actively listen. Show that you believe them even when their narratives seem ridiculous. Acknowledge their courage and reassure them that the current situation does not define them.
You may ask them questions to get crucial details of the ordeal without interrogating or judging them. From there, you may start keeping receipts.
5. Keep Receipts
Manipulators cannot be trusted. Some play the “long game,” where they slowly gain your trust before executing their plans. After teaching children to spot red flags, teach them to document their interactions.
From text messages to gifts sent, ensure you keep receipts of their communication. Not only can this keep them safe, but also helpful when seeking legal advice or involving law enforcement.
6. Involve Law Enforcement Agencies
While you might be doing an excellent job of managing the situation, there’s always a time to hand over the matter to the authorities. If the manipulator or predator persists despite all your attempts and your kid’s attempts to ward them off, you must involve the police at some point.
You may involve child protective services or the child welfare agency if they’ve been abused. If the predator’s advances are becoming intense and your child feels emotionally or physically threatened, you must call the police.
Avoid confronting the culprits either through calls, messages, or physical meetups. It might make your child more of a target and vulnerable to the predator. With the evidence you’ve gathered over time, report to law enforcement and let them take the matter up from there.
Conclusion
Learning how to stay safe from predators and emotional manipulators can save minors from a lifetime of emotional scars and trauma. However, you (the adult) will do most of the work.
It’s up to you to provide a secure space for vulnerability and communication from their tender years. You’ll also help them understand how to set boundaries and navigate wholesome relationships. Also, make sure to pay attention to their emotional needs and exercise parental control if you must.
Finally, involve the security agencies immediately if you gather enough evidence that your child feels emotionally and physically threatened.
