By Dennis Richmond, Jr.
“A hookup is sex with no strings attached,” said TS Candii, 28, of Brooklyn, New York. “Everybody has their own agenda,” she said, but with a hookup, “you have two individuals who are looking for the same thing.” Dating could look like going out with someone to see if they’re relationship material. “You feel safer” with dating apps, said Kira Lingala, 26, of Rockland County, New York. “General social anxiety is solved with online dating,” she said.
In the past, people had to meet outside. You would have to go to a bar on a Friday night or attend a party on a Saturday night to meet someone. Today, people as young as 18-years-old are on Grindr and Tinder. According to their website, “Grindr is the world’s largest social networking app for gay, bi, trans, and queer people.” With over 700 employees, Tinder boasts of being the most popular dating app, with 55 billion matches to date.
One of those Tinder matches is Javonte Spencer, 27, of Blythewood, South Carolina, and his girlfriend. “We probably messaged each other on Tinder for like a good two weeks before I got her number,” said Spencer. The two young adults didn’t hookup. They took their time getting to know each other on the app. “I didn’t meet her for like a month after we matched on Tinder,” said Spencer.” Sometimes relationships are found on social media and not on a dating app.
Tulleesha Burbage, 27, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, met her boyfriend on Instagram. While Instagram isn’t a dating app, young people use Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat, amongst other social media apps, to search for potential love interests. “I liked his pictures,” she said. So, after following each other on the platform for a year, he decided to slide in her dm’s. Sliding in direct messages is a phrase meaning to message somebody privately.
Young adults across America are experiencing a hard time finding true love. Alajah Whitehead, 26, of Yonkers, New York, gave me her take on why. “Love is harder to find because a lot of people aren’t genuine,” she said. “They’re not real and upfront with what they want.” Some young adults don’t clearly express what they want with potential love interests until weeks or months after meeting them. With unclear communication, feelings get hurt, and people get unfollowed or blocked on social media.
With apps, looking for a relationship could be tough. “It’s like you’re recruiting people for a job,” said Kira Lingala. “You’re evaluating candidates.” If candidates don’t work out, you don’t have an obligation to respond to them. Sometimes, people say things to you on these apps because they feel like they know you or they feel like they have a right to. “There’s a certain satisfaction with ghosting men when they’re acting entitled,” said Lingala.
Whether you’re looking to hookup, date, or commit to someone special, always be safe.
Dennis Richmond, Jr., is a Yonkers Rising reporter covering the Black, Latinx, and LGBTQ+ Community. He is the Author of He Spoke at My School: An Educational Journey. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram at @NewYorkStakz.
